"When was the last time you cried?"
This will be a really negative blog. And I'm sorry, but it's a shame after such a cool weekend.
I won't mind if you don't read it.
It has been a cool week until recently. Lead the life group study on Ps 18- a very cool Psalm on humility in success and failure. Then Abbey and Kristy came to stay. Probably the most fun I've had in ages. It was very neat to see them again. I also got to see Louise and Penny, and a whole heap of other people, probably for the last time. Watching RotK EE was awesome- I'm glad that I saw it. I also like the DVD station that's set up at the mo'. J, I'm kinda borrowing your screen, and Sam, ditto your stereo. It is pretty cool though, and I will return them before I leave. I think watching it with Abbey, Justin and Brent (King) made it pretty cool too.
Graduation, slice, Indian Summer's and Dunedin Summer's (polar opposites I assure you). Random wakings, magic elves and good times. I'm kinda glad that Rach didn't do paintball. It was cold, and wet, and I was pretty buggered from work on Saturday. Helped out with kids church on Sunday with Becs. That was really fun- I mean having to play with the trucks, rock the baby, half pay attention to the sermon. It was tough you know. =) The Brown's (Rach's family) are leaving Dunner's for Christchurch, so Elim put on a lunch. it was sad, because even though I don't know them that well (only from late night visits to Rach) I think that they're probably very underestimated in what they contribute to Elim. I guess it just reinforces the new season that God's putting everyone in.
I guess the last time I cried was in August-ish, maybe september. You know a few manly tears at a sad situation. On sunday, Kristy and I took Abbey out to the airport. We were listening to the CD Abbey made Kristy. On it is a song called "over the rainbow". It's real sweet, because it has a lullabye ukele strum. I'm not sure what that means, but I really like it. After seeing Abbey off- a very non-emotional "see-you-later", but still heaps of emotion, you know what I mean. Kristy and I are pulling out of the carpark, and this song comes on. Tears start being shed- it was a real moment. I guess I can't really describe it, but it was just one of those times when you're glad you were there to experience it even though it was really sad. I'm glad that I shared it with Kristy too. I don't know why, but it was just right. Could almost see a parallel shot of Abbey sitting on the plane- would have been good in a movie.
So back to work on Monday- experiments finally work after four days of trying!!! I don't know what was going on. But changing everything helps. Find out that an antibody that I was expecting this week wasn't going to come till next week, maybe. Realise the implications of this: I will probably have to return during the Christmas break to use this reagent and complete my experimental. I could wait, but that would put me behind on time I don't have. Which sucks. Firstly, it means my folks lose money on me having to come back down. Ok- so thankfully we can afford it. Secondly, writing's hard enough as it is without having to try focus on experiments as well. I feel like I'm living a double life in the lab- not to mention double time. Thirdly, I'm just plain sick of it. So I broke down today in my QT, and again while talking to my folks. Actually there was a little bit in my office too when there was no one there. I hate quitting, but it seems like a good idea- just stop doing it.
Speaking of RotK, I love Aragorn's line when he receives Narsil? (the reforged sword.) "I bring hope to men, but I keep none for myself." Sometimes I feel like that- especially when I'm down. Which is stupid because the hope that I should be bringing is God, and that is enough for me too. However, I do seem to be in this place at the moment. I would love a break. I would love to have finished my experiments- I'm unsure how to do that. I want to be at the place where you know where it's going to go, and how it's going to get there. That's survivable. I don't have that at the moment. I know what I want to say. I just need to finish the work to do it. Which is disruptive in itself. Arrrrggh. How circular is that? I want to finish my experiments without doing the work because the work's hard. Is it because I've hung out with people too much? I haven't put in enough hours throughout the year? I feel like I've worked my butt off this year, yet it still comes down to the last couple of weeks.
I need some hope- and trust me I've been claiming promises. Which is hard, because I know that God isn't interested in making my life cushy. He's interested in make it right, and that leads to a "cushy" (ie blessed) life.
Helped Jo move upstairs on Tuesday. What is Brendan the busy doing there you ask? Partly because I wanted to, partly because I needed to otherwise I'd go insane, and partly because I needed time to think. and doing non-thinking activities seems to release my spirit and brain into higher gears. I mean some of my best quiet times have been while ironing. SO i mulled over data while carrying beds, book shelves and boxes. God did show up there. He totally provided help- Jo's grandparents, who helped with the trailer, because Dave's car had the wrong plug or something. We would have been so screwed with out them. We also had the mintest parks for moving right outside Jo's place on Princes St- how cool was that? It was also my first time driving an auto- actually started to like it once I got my head around not using a clutch. Also went out to Waldromville last night after life group to see the christmas lights- woohoo, there were some good ones there.
But yeah, at the moment, feeling quiet down, although writing's helped.
Enjoy the Christmas period if you don't hear from me prior. Prayer as always appreciated.
love,
Brendan
