This will be a clean blog :)
No, Ruth, my "baby" is white about 14" at it's widest and comes in a box. It's also really expensive- At least I think she's talking about my iBook- what weirdness goes on in the states where you can order babies on-line. Oh well, NZ was blacklisted for child trafficking the other day. So I can't really talk about the States being weird.

'Scuse me, and be glad that you're not talking to me in person; I've just done an 11 1/2 hour day, so I'm kinda stuffed. Normal day, spent the afternoon BLASTing- searching for gene sequences. it's a really cool computer programme, but it was very taxing and tiring. You have to count. LOTS. and it's all A, C, T, G with numbered columns so you can't lose your way. It's funny- I have a feeling that I'm probably not going to get an experiment to do until Comm-pact has started. I should probably spend more time it. It's one of those things that can never seem to have enough done to it. Which is good, because at the moment it's nearly done, but not quite. Which is annoying, because I'm not quite sure as to how to finish it.

Also had the Center for Gene Research Poster night, and my mate Mustapha won a prize, which was cool. I ended up being the back-up photographer. It was alright, but I felt kinda weird being there. Definitely a different circle- with most people talking about suburbs and houses, or the other students knowing each other. I guess i'll learn to move in those circles eventually, but it was kinda alien- or even Englishman in NY! I also got talking to this English woman in my department, who I kinda know. she was interesting, and I met a few other people, but... yeah. One day.

Saw the new Spiderman 2 trailer yesterday. (salivation, it looked so cool)

Just downloaded the link from Bec's blog on deprivation in Dunedin, should be a good read.

I feel like sleeping... after minigolf. Also went to the Science Library today- it was like the opening scene of Ghostbusters- it was deathly quiet.

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What's so amazing about Grace?

I was going to entitle this with a quote by Tony Campolo, a famous writer and Christian, but I can't seem to find it. Which annoys me, but, I'm not going to get upset about it. (but I am going to look very hard for it later).

Today has been a great day. Managed to get up in time this morning for school of leaders- which was a bonus, and it was really cool. Mike talked about overcoming- which was good considering my previous blog. And Pete Sara talked about roles and values- real core stuff for vision about life groups. Now, a bout 2 weeks ago, I was feeling real down about Comm-pact (has their been a blog in the past while where I haven't?)and was praying to God about it, and ended up asking for a passion for souls. Now, Pete mentioned in very brief this morning about a book that he really reccommended called "a passion for souls", and if anybody wanted to borrow it they could- and I nearly jumped out of my seat. I was so eager to get that book, I was eagerly watching everybody else in case they wanted it first. Ok, so that was kinda immature, but ... yay!

The boys went to Pizza hutt after church today- I think about 15 of us. General reports were of pleased, very full, very tired boys. Gus, I'm glad you got home safe, cos I slept for about 2 hours this avo.

Actually another cool thing- the worship at Oxygen was phenomenal tonight. God just totally put some good stuff in to me tonight, I don't think I've worshiped quite as hard without having to do any work in a while. Just coming to that place were even though there's a real rocky song going on in the background, that I was totally still and at peace. Oh it was good.

Just to finish, 2 final stories,
1) Dan reccommended "What's so amazing about Grace?" by Phil Yancey, So I asked God to put it on special, due to lack of funds etc (I know, I know, i'm buying a new computer, and i do have a positive net worth, but you know how it is, and on the front of the book it says "special" I have no idea of the normal price, but that was a reallyy cool confirmation. And I've lapped it up. It is awesome (a very over-used word in Christian circles, but it really is). And I think in the right place and the right time. I need to read it agin before I even try work some of it out in my life.

2) had a really good yarn with Gus on Thursday night post-blog. It too was awesome. I think I really needed it. cheers boss.

Oh an an answer to the title: Grace is amazing because it is so unnatural, it has the power to break empires and kings. It can set people free or hold them captive.
But I think that U2 can say it heaps better:

Grace Lyrics

Grace, she takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace, it's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world

And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything

Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma, karma
She travels outside of karma

When she goes to work
You can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty in everything

Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition
What once was hurt, what once was friction
What left a mark no longer stains
Because Grace makes beauty out of ugly things

Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace finds goodness in everything

Night ;)

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Have you ever looked in the mirror, and ever wondered how sad you are? I mean how worthless, it all is. How sad your life is that you would comment on a blog that was honestly put together in five minutes? It disturbs me that quite a lot of my conversations lately have begun, “You haven’t blogged lately…”

The blog was meant to initiate conversation, not be the centre of it. What about an email asking my how I was, or how life was going?

I mean, my computer has been broken into- well turned on without my permission, my whiteboard defaced and my ego boosted to unsustainable levels as I think about what lengths you've all gone to do this.
The fact that there are 22 comments on a song that I like (will have relevance later) is requiring a shake of the head and a “mutter, mutter, mutter.”

What also amuses me is that some of you will be going away on holidays with no lock on your doors : )

So to put you all out of your misery (teterodoxin special this week aye Ruth?)

What has Bing been up to this week?

dunno, but I'm sure it's good. If you can pin him down for 5mins maybe he'll tell you : P
Ok, so at the risk of that last statement being taken a little too seriously (and in this place that's highly likely)

Working very hard on this presentation on my research yesterday. “most prepared presentation ever.” Come home buggered most nights, and put off doing much work. Sadly Comm-pact has slipped because of it. I'm glad that I'm running out of things to do- finished the Starcraft Broodwar Protoss campaign. (this is sad)- it took me something like 4 goes and the final go took 6 and a half hours. but I'm glad I've done it. It's been really getting to me for the past 2 months. I think the secret is listening to ABBA- so better give that back, now that it's finished (for the mean time).

I've chosen the ibook- turns out it's about $500 cheaper to get it in the US, so yay Abbey for going home :). (and of course that you’re going home!) Do I really need a new computer- well, no. I could spend the $2000 on a far more needy cause- not me, or most of my friends- imagine how many people $2000 would get to Convergence, or to Get Smart. It would send a missions team a long way. Imagine- thats like feeding an African child for 5 and a half years! That is hard out. I could feed a poor family for a month, or bless someone in need with a fairly decent second hand car. But you know what, those are all very good things, in fact excellent things. But I don't think that I'll be doing any of those things. I guess the only reason I would like a new computer is because I would like a new computer. And an opportunity to get a good one cheaply has arisen. I don’t know what will come of it- because as Gus said, both of ours are still “depressingly useable.” But I’m excited about it. (ok I can’t wait) I know it’s a major monetary commitment, but I’m pretty happy to make it. It’s not something that I’d consider lightly, and even though I seem to make snap decisions, I’ve often thought long and hard about stuff before hand (or more often than not, God has). Still, a man’s ways may seem right in his heart…

$5 challenge might just restart though.

So, the song: as you know Comm-pact hasn’t exactly been flowing with fruit for me. Be it me not being disciplined enough (too much Starcraft?), not having the faintest idea, God not speaking in clear concise packages, God, speaking in riddles- seeing the hard path and desperately trying all ways to flee from it. Probably all have a part to play.The later more than others. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing in this position, except that God has placed me there.

STOP HERE IF YOU REALLY DON’T WANT TO BE DISTURBED (It’s not that bad, but some people have taken it a bit weird)

So on Sun night/ Mon morning, I had a dream. It was a weird dream- It was about getting full length underwear from Farmers. I actually have no idea what full length underwear is exactly, or why it was from Farmers, but it was, and I needed some for a task, thing is, everybody else…
(and yes I’m sorry I was dreaming about people I know, and I’m sorry for dreaming about you in full length underwear- don’t ask why you were wearing them - it was just weird.)
[I feel that stalker rating go way, way up.]
(Don’t worry though- it was kind of like polyprop top and long johns fused together, so not really revealing)
[does it still concern you that I was dreaming about my friends in their underwear?]
…had managed to find it. and they were all telling me where it was but I couldn’t find it. (that’ll teach me for playing the rose game) I could only find half. and it was so frustrating. Like everybody had the answer, except me who needed it.

OK, back to the PG rating now

so the song- well I was thinking about the dream- as you do, and those funky riffs and Bono’s straining voice flowed into my head.

I have run, I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.

and it was like- whoa, frustration. It’s something that I keep trying to do, but something that I don’t want to do. That everybody else seems to have known the “success” I’ve been looking for, but me. I wish I could define “success” a bit better.

You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross of my shame
Oh my shame, you know I believe it.

Obviously a God reference. need I say more? Like I know what God has done for me, and that’s flippin awesome, but why did I feel lacking? I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I will confess that it seems kind of suck that what I’m doing doesn’t seem to have any passion from it’s leader, or it’s lack of fruit. Maybe I’m trying too hard. Maybe I’m too stubborn to ask for help. Maybe I need to die to my pride, die to my fear etc.

Do you know what it’s like to think how easy it would be to walk away everyday. I know I seem to talk about this a lot, and I know that there are people out there who would probably kill to have this scenario: Walk away, finish med school, get a mortgage, wife, kids, raise a bunch of kids to know and love Jesus. Have job security, love life, support good causes, pay my bills raise my credit rating, etc, etc, etc.

It’s pretty tempting, but I know that it quite honestly kill me.
But what the alternative is I don’t know.

I wish this was more concrete- perhaps I should make it so… but I am afraid to do the ultimate in hard work.

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I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For Lyrics

I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you.

I have run, I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.

I believe in the Kingdom Come
Then all the colours will bleed into one
Bleed into one.
But yes, I'm still running.

You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross of my shame
Oh my shame, you know I believe it.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.

This could get deep and meaningful... but that can wait until tomorrow, or today rather.
Rather today Looking at buying an iBook- any advice?

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"What is the rose and how does it relate to the petals?"
To those of you who fail exams due to attempting the 'Petals around the rose' game, my fullest and utmost sincere apologies.

Ok, so that sounds really sarcastic, and like I'm enjoying your suffering, but seriously, if you want the answer I can email it to you if you need to sleep.

But, whoop- 16 comments!!! That's some sort of record, not sure if they really count seeing most of them seem to be either "what's the problem" or "Arggghhhh"! And seeing I didn't really do most of the work, I probably can't claim them.

But I really like Tuesdays. I seem to spend half the night in front of the TV, Friends, Scrubs and The Apprentice. Oh, how I love the apprentice. It is such good tv. Ok, now I'm not a reality TV fan, but I am a leadership fan, and Donald Trump knows how to develop leaders, and how to get rid of them. He's fired the last two people for being too nice, and not assertive enough. Whoa- and the other people so deserved to by fired more. They were really nasty. Yes, even nastier than the petal game.

Loving it :)

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2 in one day
This is a cool site
Petals around the rose
Please comment on how many rolls it took you- it took me 5, with some gentle coaxing from Gus. The answer is so simple, and apparnetly the smarter you are the harder it is.
Interesting one for you psych students
Oh and the latest Badgers- Dave L you should so see this. And if anybody sees Penny round show her this sometime.
With thanks to Gus

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Did I just see a penguin walk past???

This has been a slack weekend-partly cos it's a long weekend, and partly cos it's so cold. I can't get over how cold it is. It is so depressing. My wahsing is wet, and my hands are numb- but I haven't relally achieved anything at all this weekend. Well actuallt, thats a lie. I have finished my presentation, and took Sam to the airport yesterday. I've also watched the "transformers"movie with Scott. J owns it on DVD, and using Sam's computer- it was a sad way to spend an afternoon. But I enjoyed it, and only watched it once, thus defying J's conditional of "If you watch it all weekend, you'll be really, really, really, really, really sad. (there were a few more "really"s in there, but I can't be botherered typing them in. Alos Played some Starcraft last night with Gus- better treasure it, I'm not sure how often I'll get to be slack again.

I'm reading a book from the Ukraine at the moment- (translated)It's called "Death and the Penguin". I've read 13 pages and 8 chapters. It is really weird.I think I mentioned that I got it from a supplier at work. TO spread more harmony and understanding of cultures. I think I quiet like the Ukraine.

A joke from the book to finish
"A Milita major is driving along when he sees a militiaman standing with a penguin.
"take him to the zoo," he orders.
Some time later the same major is driving along when he sees the militaman still standing with the penguin.
"What have you been doing?" he asks. "I said to take him to the zoo."
"We've been to the zoo, Comrade Major", says the militaman, "and the circus. And now we're going to the pictures."

I've only done 13 pages - argghhhhhh

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If you apease the masses you control Rome- Gladiator
'Scuse the slight misquote, and the interesting choice of "spurious" yesterday. Thanks Phyn for revealling to us what it means. I didn't know that, nor shall I use it out of context again.

In other news...
Sam had a party, it was fun. (I'm sure you all know about it., you can even see photos on his blog)

I've got basically no lab work at the moment while I wait for some stuff to arrive. Which is convenient, because I'm due to give a seminar to the physiology department. And although I feel like I've done a lot, I don't have a lot physically to show for it. Where this month gone? But attempting to "pad" it out, and hopefully it will be completely done tomorrow. Only a few more slides, but one of them is a "thinking" slide, so requires a litle more work. Y' know, "what do my woefully small set of results mean in the greater picture" slides. my mind shudders with thought.

Life groups this week were cool. Des, Dan and I had our own little one because we don't have exams at the mo, which really did rock. We got all deep and meaningful with Life and God. It was cool. Big lesson: take holiness one day at a time, makes it heaps easier to bear. Tonight for leaders cells, we did a "Dave" and made cards for people. It was sooooo cool. It is incredibly relaxing being creative, I made "the coolest cardboard fish that Dave and Matt had ever seen" I want to give it to someone, but I don't know who.

Speaking of someones, I went on a "date" with a girl from Med CF on Saturday. It didn't start off as a date. Only a lunch meeting to talk about BMedSci's and the like. But oh did we so connect and move from the topic. I don't think I've ever gotten to know so much about someone in two hours. it was absolutely amazing. She is so sweet, wonderful, loving and kind. She has really strong family values, and is a very cool person.
I was actually buzzing when I left the restaurant. She was just such an amazing person.

Then in Church on Sunday (where else would I be?)and I felt God tell me not to try take this any further. Now, hang on a minute1?!?!?!?!?
But I'm sure that's what God told me, which wqas tough, because there had been prayer and all for a date for Saturday (kinda for a separate event, and not as a romantic thing either- just as a "fun-no strings attached, no emotions involved" kinda date, and then that happened, and then this. I think I was understandably confused. Ah, but there is resolution.
i) how do I know that it was God? Could it be some trick I'm playing on myself, or other beings playing a trick on me.
No, I don't think so. Nothing can quite make you face a fact like the Holy Spirit, and I also had an "incident" last year which involved a similar feeling and a very bad outcome. Don't really need to go down that path again.
ii) When you pray "God, I want you to speak to me not as dark sayings, but plainly, face to face"(Num 12:6-8), and expect it, then shouldn't I be trying to obey everything I hear, unless it seriously contradicts God's word? (So no multiple killings for me, thanks anyway)
iii) You know it just feels right- except of course saying, "hey I think that you're a really neat person and would love to get to know you better, but I'm not going to." Glad she's a Christian eh?

iv) Ok, so I haven't actually asked her where she stands on this. Which could be a very good call. harder than accepting God's will on my life. I often wonder if it is just my mind doing dumb stuff, or my fears playing up in some sub-conscious way to beat down what ever boldness or happiness I feel.

But, no. I chose to believe that it's God's will for my life not to really do anything more with this. And that's all that really counts.

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I tried
But I wiped it on accident, and can't be bothered now. Maybe tomorrow will initate a spurious amount of blogging

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I tried
but it wiped. so I'll leave it till tomorrow. Sweet dreams.

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