Actually this is kinda funny

The Christian exodus which Rodney had a link to. It's an interesting move, possibly Mt 28:19 gives a reason for why this has never been tried by bible believing Christians.
In saying that, I think that their heart is in the right place, and their motives are pure, but... dunno bout the execution.
What do you think? (Not a comments gatherer at all :P)

P.S. How do I trackback?

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It's funny
It's funny. I don't really want to sleep, even though I'm tired. I don't feel like anything else to eat or nothing. I almost just feel like being miserable with people, even though I'd hate that. I've surfed through most of the blogs, can't really be bothered with all the websites that maybe worthy of sucking up half an hour of my time. I just feel...odd.

Alone perhaps, although having my door closed can be a good thing. (like keeping the heat in and the noise out)

Sleeplessness
Anhedonia (loss of joy)
Depressed mood

Feelings of doom
Appetite change
Concentration down
Energy levels down

For a period of 2 weeks everyday to a level that's affecting lifestyle of sufferer.

That's not a poem, it's something that I learnt last year as criteria for depression (DSMIV). If you notice the first letter of each word spells "SAD FACE" At least the system works- that I still remember something from last year. On a topic that's completely irrelevant to what I've been studying. nice and happy isn't it?

It's funny when life feels mundane, when there's this world of opportunity and yet you don't want to grab it. Sometimes it takes others to pull you through. Sometimes you have to sit there like Trinity in the Matrix and just say to yourself "get up and move". Especially after so many victories won by God. especially when you realise that there are many things that you've seen, yet you've only touched the iceberg, but you feel that you've seen it all.

I'm not too worried. I seem to have a crisis every time before I overcome something. It's really weird, but kinda comforting that the system is working. Or perhaps that's it. Thhe fact that I've reduced life down to a nice ordered system. That I expect everything (well, except Sunday night)and life is starting to lose it's surprise. That I'm not really looking forward, because I know that there's more challenges to overcome, more things to win, more things to lose. That even the crisis situations will always have an ending. Hope seems to kill off worry, but my hope doesn't seem to want to stretch at the moment to desiring things that are greater than what they already are. Is this true hope? Is this what it's like to be old? Is that the trick to always have hope for the better, while enjoying the now?

I think I'm comfortable where I'm at at the moment. Is this having some dire effect on my drive to do stuff, to change the world? Do I need a challenge that I know I can handle, can handle with God? Something that'll put the drive back into me. In fact working out how I'm going to play the game is half the fun.
Hmm,

It's funny what a little bit of writing can do to your mood.
:)Night

Have you noticed that this blog is almost like Esther? Nearly not mentioned at all, yet He was moving in the background. thanks for reading, although I'm not sure whether you'll get anything.

Where does your hope come from?

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We'll try this again...

Ok, I was going to blog last night, but something came up that required my more immediate attention.

Let me start at the beginning....(well Friday)

Can't complain, finally chose which gene to use as a housekeeper, and took Thida to the airport. I felt pretty tired. Gus came back. Watched the Princess Bride, and then went to the 24 hour book sale with Abbey, Tabitha,Reuben, J, and Gus while everyone else watched Westside Story. Brought 8 books, quiet a few historical novels, including Ben Hur. That'll set me up for the while.

Saturday: Opened with a mission down to the lab, did a PCR and sorted some other stuff. Watched the Capping Parade from the window for the 3rd week in a row. Really looking forward to my own next year. Like actually CANT WAIT! Meeting with Abbey about prayer anbd outreach, inadvertantly (don't remember) saying something profound to her- which was used at Launch, yay. Played Laser FOrce in the combined life group event- was cool, but none of my guys came ;(. But neither did anybody else's, so we played Med vs the World (It was scary how many Medders there were. We drew 2-2- really good time, heaps of fun.

Steve Foss: (no he's not bigger than Saturday, but does seem to cover most of the weekend)This guy was arrogant, loud, offensive, crowd playing, and many other things that I could be critical of. Hoever, he had some serious anointing on him, and once you looked past Steve Foss and saw Jesus (his words, not mine)he was really cool, and really had a lot to give. It was also quiet cool how he actually encouraged you to come up and get prayed for, to attned the altar call, instead of the normal inviting- I do, think it made it less of an issue. Anyway, he talked about being bold with God- that the violent take it (the kingdom of heaven) by force. Basically not being a wuss when it comes to asking for stuff from God, which he has already given us anyways. Josh Brown also scored $20 in the analogy of this- he only had to jump the preacher to do it. Ended up being prayed for, falling over, and finding that my elbows no longer worked and my arms were straight up in the air- an interesting predicament for God to place me in. I'm not sure what to think of being"slain in the spirit, except that I know that happens, especially to me. I can't really explain it, except that it is very cool. Tried to get to bed earlyish to avoid sleeping in for school of Leaders.

Slept in for school of leaders and made Sam and Dave late. Bugger. Learnt about faith and conflict resolution, which I found quiet useful to think about how I handle certain situations. Steve Foss talked about being a carrier of God's glory, and how those people who carried it would aid bringing about the endtimes, refering to the colt that carried Jesus to the last supper as an example of God not wanting anyone who had been "ridden" by someone else, and how God could restore people, just as they washed and reoiled old wineskins (another bible ref if you didn't know.)

Sunday afternoon was spent cleaning Kitchen, room, and picking up Thida from the airport. Whooop.

Sunday night, was church and Steve Foss again. He talked (and occaisionally yelled)about Tall poppy syndrome and keeping the church poor. He also talked about his vision of Angels.quiet interesting, but I won't talk about them here. Also talked about the two faces of religiousness: living to the law, because it's the law, and also lawlessness because we're "free". It was very challenging, and made me wonder whether I was trying my best to live as good as I could. Note that it was my best, not what others thought- hmm, possibility of eccentricity perhaps? That's ok, first year 80 was a bare pass for because I knew it was what I could achieve if I just did the work, but 90 would have been much better, and it did feel like I'd achieved something.It was also interesting, because during one of the many altar calls- I can't even remember what it was for, I kinda stumbled up to the altar and collapsed on the floor. I then felt God start to speak to me about outreach and how it was pretty lacking in Cutting Edge. Not cool seeing I'm in-charge of it. Didn't really feel like it and its still something istruggle with, but we had a good time, very productive. During another time of prayer, I think it was the last one, God decided to have some fun. So I'm standing there and all of a sudden I start to laugh, well giggle. I kept giggling, and couldn't really stand anymore. So i rolled around on the floor for about 20 minutes pissing myself laughing. I actually couldn't stop. I was the weirdest thing. Even after the music stopped, everybody had walked away from the altar, I kept laughing. I knew what I was doing, but couldn't control it. I think Steve Foss was trying to say something really serious about money, and I did try to stop, but , um, yeah. Another instacne of being slain in the spirit- or as one person told me, drunk. And it was quiet a similar experience. You just laugh at stuff, anything really set me going. I couldn't walk straight, talk properly (poor Ronald and Abbey), Sam started abusing it by telling bad jokes- ahhh it was good.

I can't or don't understand it, but that's what happened, and apparently happens quite often to different people at different times when they've experienced the spirit of God. Man, he's loco. It wasn't even like I was being tickled, although I did wonder if this was what it was like to be Tickle-me-Elmo. Most strange. I've seen it happen before, happened to Rach Barnes last year at 1PM. She took one look at me and started laughing. I know, it's because I'm funny... looking, but seriously, she could give no account for the laughing except for God.

Monday night was about sin, holiness and restoration, which were also cool, but (in someways thankfully) not quiet so spiritually impacting. Good application though. I've been struggling heaps with fitting in my quiet times to everything else. So I prayed "Jesus be Lord of my time- these are important to me." And it just kept reasonating in my head- "Jesus be Lord of my time", "Jesus be Lord of my time" --->"Jesus be my time"

and then it hit me. If Jesus is my time, then everything fits around it. That probably doesn't mean much to anybody else, but it makes sense to me. Which I guess is more important. There's now a new picture on my wall, of a clock, with the word "Jesus" on it. To remind me that He's my time.

At the end, Steve said he wanted to pray for the youth, and to those who feel called into endtime ministry. It sounded cool, but I felt God pull me back. I didn't understand, but stepped back, not forward. It sounded like what I was meant to have, but wasn't. Then, while he's praying for apostles, I felt the Holy Spirit hit me anyway. This confused me lots- really really confused me, but I do have soem idea of why. Apostles are meant to be the builders and planters of things, to lay foundations from which others build the kingdom. I'll come to this later.

So that was Monday.

Tuesday, I had Lunch with Dan- we had Indian, and a great time just planning how and what (reverse these!)we were going to do. Basic answer Love people, and show the people in our life group how to do the same.
Then went back to the lab to do a bit of work, then left again to go to Launch. I'm actually surprised how far my project has come this week seeing how full my life's become (according to blog length anyway)
(Bah!, who's graffitied "badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, mushroom, mushroom on my calendar?!)You make me a ANGRY PANDA!!!

Anyways, Launch was well hard.
Just a real feeling of discontent about what we're not doing, and most of it fell into my area. It was crazy just how many people fekt the same way. I felt horrible, and even after a little prayer, which turned into something else, I still felt pretty discouraged. I offer no excuses, but can offer to try amend. Went back to the lab, finished of some stuff, needed to be alone, but shouldn't have been. Started just feeling really down, and yuk. Thankfully Rach texted me with a med question, and made it a little easier to keep my mind off stuff. By the way, does anybody have a definite answer to why binge drinking causes Atrial fibrillation?

Anyway, I haven't cried in sadness in ages, and even when I;m sad I don't think that I cry (much. but man, can I turn some stuff over on the inside. Thankfully good flatmate (who I approach, rather than those who can read my mind or my body language- very useful skill that, being able to disappear and snob people when down) was there to shut up and listen. cheers boss.

And now I'm here. cold, a little more peaceful, and rembering the fact that I'm meant to be building platforms for Cutting Edge. So better go and call people, see if they'd be keen to get amongst it and do something. The best way to learn stuff. the best way to become something.

P.S. 1PM so rocked today!

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To bed, or to blog, that is the question
maybe neither, but to pray...

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Ist so was ein Blog? Dies könnte Ein sein.

So what is a blog? Does this one count?)
Ok, so still haven't really slept, getting up about 8:30 for 9ish starts, not cool. Taking Thida to the airport tomorrow, meeting with Abbey on Saturday as well as combined life group, Church stuff on Sunday. And then it's Monday again.

Whoaaa.

Do you remember in simpler days, when a week seemed like ages, and a whole month, was just, well massive. I figured out last year that time wasn't going any faster, I was just planning better, and further ahead. It especially scared me that my friend Angela was really excited about
her September skiing holiday in January.

Been working fairly hard all week. Life group we had our first ever live worship- Cheers Des, and also shared our testimonies. It was very cool to find that we were all on a similar path and had all done many stupid things, but that our God was still a very forgiving God, and that people are still very forgiving people.

But back to the work issue. (spoiler at the bottom of the paragraph for those who can't stand the high science) I've been developing a protocol all week, based on absolutely no experience what-so-ever. I've been trying to solve the "most stubborn problem" of the entire technique. It's called real time PCR, and is a way of measuring how much messenger RNA is in a cell. Messenger RNA (mRNA) is the DNA code translated into a usable sequence which is then "read" to make proteins, which let the cell function. Basically, if you see what mRNA is in the cell you can see what the cell is doing. (I think I've mentioned this before) However, with PCR you proportionately make copies of the mRNA and can watch how much is being made (run in cycles)(not literally of course, we're still looking at microlitre amounts) With Real time PCR you can mark a threshold, and compare for each sample how many cycles it takes to reach the threshold. Thing is if you have more starting mRNA overall, then you've confounded your measurement. This can be controlled by adjusting for a constantly expressed gene, known as a housekeeping gene. Thing is which one. The most commonly used one is just starting to be proven to not be constant (ie, can be changed by something happening in the tissue)and so I can chosse to use the most common one, or see what else is out there. The most useful one I can't use because of how my sample was prepared.

For the non-science/non interested: Big decision with experiment, lots of data to try comprehend. Not a lot of fun and very long hours looking at boring journal articles. Quiet interesting to see how research works though. Have done about 36 hours in the lab this week- so yeah, kinda tired. I'm almost tmepted to make a decision and go with it. I've also been finding it really hard to get up this week. I think that it has something with it not being light until 8:30ish, and my body not really responding too well to that. Perhaps recovering from the weekend doesn't help either.

Will now go. Am playing as NZ in FIFA 2000. (soccer), lost 7-6 to Holland yesterday, so not a bad result really. Will make mention that the $5 challenge is still going. Have yet to spend any money on junk food/coke etc. It has been very tempting though, and am starting to get sick of peanut butter and honey on toast - it is a poor substitute to chocolate- although better than none at all.

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I actually miss sleep like you...

Now if only I knew who 'you' was. I am so knackered. The weekend was fantastic, as you've probably gathered if you read any of the other blogs in my "blog life group", and driving Pastor Mickey around was a real priviledge, but I am so wasted. So I'll leave the story telling until tomorrow when I maybe slightly more coherent and hit the shower before crashing into bed. Hmmm, such violence when I'm tired.

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This could be a long one...

Firstly, this blog has been offically going for 6 months- with a massive *55* posts. Ok, so not the most regular blog, but how many really are- I read in the Critic that only about 10% are updated on a regular basis- I've just got good, habitual blogging friends.

45 challenge update- Wednesday: $0, [though Dave did buy me a coffee, cheers boss:)]; Thursday, $0. I am eating more toast though, and in response to Gus' comments, there actually hasn't been any increase in coffee intake, no matter what you think. dare I say it, I haven't actually missed Coke that much.

ALthough I did sleep very poorly last night. Kind of an Anti-log. I have been "suffering" (in the loosest context) from some form of allergic dermatitis (itching)for about a year now. Started sometime last year, and has been on and off. It's under control with cream, and it has been prayed for at church (more than once)and now is more of an on and off thing. Not sure what causes it, perhaps dust, or maybe large differences in temperature. Say for instance my warm bed, with blankets and sheets vs my room at night time. Anyway, I was really itchy, got up about 4 or 5 times to put more cream on, found a wet face cloth helped immensely. Heard Sam on the phone- which was weird- figured I was hallucinating or something{Who could he be on the phone to eh Ruth?}.

I ended up praying. (What else do you do when you're itchy and can't sleep?) Asked for sleep, and many other things- then felt somewhat inspired to ask God "Where am I going for clinical school next year?" A few of you would know that it's been a big thing for me lately, having to decide where my next three years will be, and what I'm going to do. I was fairly keen on staying in Dunedin, yet Wellington was home (well, Upper Hutt), and it did have some pretty cool stuff going for it. And one of the reasons for doing the research year was to try figure out what I was doing in Medicine- I knew I had 1 more year in Dunedin in me, but 4?

So, inspired by Abbey's blog yesterday "...it just hit me like a ton of bricks ( thats usually how it happens!) that NO! it IS that easy! In fact, that is what I had prayed for from the beginning...that it would be an easy decision and that God would make it really clear-and it WAS...I just needed to listen." (Abt, 2004) I just asked. And I'm going back to Wellington in 2005. Leaving behind a whole lot of stuff that I do hold dear, like all the great people: the best friends in the world. the best life group, the best Church in the whole wide world. The relaxed feel of the city, the randomness of it, the student-orientated atmosphere. How cool it is to live in a place where it can rain, hail, snow and be sunny all in one day!

But in saying that, something's been gnawing at me lately, something I hadn't really come to terms with until my rather cathartic experience(emotional, not physical)last night. Talked to Stevo on Sunday night, about being an older guy in the church, and what that was like. He said it was cool, if you still had the student mindset. And that's something I feel I'm starting to lose- ever since I started work over summer, I've basically been doing full time work. And in many ways enjoying it. I feel really bad that being in charge of outreach in Cutting Edge this year, that We haven't really reached out on any great level. Not entirely my fault due to disorganisation of the set up, but I no longer really had any idea how to reach out to students any more, because I don't really feel like one. In saying that, I can still pass on that experience that I do have, and encourage others.

I guess I feel that Wellington is right for me at this time. Am I running away from anything? I don't think so, Wellington, a new challenge, heaps of stuff to do, whole lot of churches to try out. Kinda pleased that it's happened now, so at least I can meet the Wellington people in Cutting Edge at Convergence and get to know them a bit. I think my family will be pleased as well. I could never live back at home, but it will be cool to see them on a more regular basis.

Another challenge will be finding a new church. That will be a challenge and a half, but I know that God's called me back there, so I go with the knowledge, or at least agreement that He'll sort everything out. It's funny, it was always the original plan to go back to Wellington after doing 3 years of medicine and a BMedSci, all the way back in first year. Back before so many things, like Jesus, like Dunedin, like Sam, Dave, Abbey, Lyds, J, Rach, Gus, Carmi, Dan, Becs, Stevo, Ekta, Brent, Katie, Dan, Andrew, Scott, Jess, Des, Justin, Michael, Kev, Jess, Aimee, Dave, Penny, Andrea, Jane, Q, Paul, Henry, (the list goes on and on and on, in no particular order, and if I've forgotten anybody, please, please forgive me (like most of my med-mates, people from Carrington that I've long forgotten- or not so, ie Sarah, Verity, Megz, Woody, Renee, Zannah, David, Diane and Maureen)

Back before First Floor Jenkins, Tiro, Clyde St, and Royal Terrace. Before Carrington, City Highlanders B, The flying Ribenas, The curry munchers, Med CF, Combined CF, Cutting Edge, "Save and Dam's" and Rach and Kt's cells, my life group and Castle St Clean up.

The times that I won, the times when I didn't the blood, sweat and tears of first year, finding that Med wasn't all that, but was at the same time. Anatomy, physiology, path (mm, path coffee), sleeping in lectures, clinical bio chem,endocrine, random demonstrations that meant nothing, people who meant everything. Way too many balls, My one girlfriend down here (which wasn't a major success!) The other many girls I've chased.

And it doesn't really stop. I still have most of these things, just as an older and possibly wiser person. There will still be people to be influenced and to be influenced by. There is still a God in heaven, and I know it's my time. I still have 8 month's down here, not to mention a thesis that's only partly complete and it's going to rock. But I know that I've got a new adventure with new challenges (like blogging way more regularly, because I'm not going to see all these cool people everyday (clap-clap)) and God's going to see me through, with new dreams and visions. And hey, I can always come visit right?
(1668 words- not even close:) )

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$5 challenge update

Monday: Nothing
Tuesday as of now: nothing

Well that's not quiet true- I did tithe $5 to Church on Sunday night (extra)- and that seems to count on reflection, so this is kinda redundant. On reflection I'm going to try spend no money on excess for myself this week. Funnily enough, I still spend like $50 on food, power, phone, net, and $87 on rent. But it's interesting trying to resist stuff that I don't need, not quiet out of necessity, but pretty close to it.

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"Colour of the Sky" and the $5 challenge

" I used to pray a lot
but now I'm doing work for God
I used to be home a lot
but now I am out every other day and inbetween
I used to cry a lot
but now I haven't got the time to remember why
I used to know an offshore wind when it blew
but now I couldn't tell you
if the sky was blue yesterday

Its a shame to hear us say
it doesn't have to be this way
its the sound of the failing light
and dawn is the breaking light

too late to say, tomorrow I won't ask why,
too late to say tomorrow I won't have time
I don't want to spend another day away
from the knowledge of the colour of the sky

I used to pray a lot
but now I'm busy doing all my work for God
I used to keep an open book
to write in where ever my life may lead
I used to be home a lot
but now i'm busy, oh so busy
doing all my work for God
with all these good things to do
I haven't got the time for me and you"

Felt, 2000

Just a follow up on this morning's blog.
And I'm also trying to control my finances (cos it's a good thing and I need $218 for car rego next week). So I'm having the $5 challenge. I'm only allowed to spend $5 on myself this week. Ie on Coke, junk food, entertainment etc (Doesn't include combined cell though). And I'm going to blog every cent I spend on myself- I'll see how much that will be at the end of the week. (Next Sunday) So basically the only thing i'll spend money on is tithing and a couple of birhtday presents for some cool friends of mine. Why do I et the feeling, "God help me" is appropriate right now?

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Primordial Yawp

This would have been a really good description of how I was feeling a couple of days ago. A primordial yawp was introduced to me via "Dead Poets Society" in fifth form. Basically its involves a short sharp yell, releasing heaps of energy and stress in a constructive way. It can be very satisfying.

So why did I need a primordial yawp? Life's been pretty hectic over the past two weeks. I've been doing a defensive driving course, which has taken up two nights a week. It was good and fully reccommend it. It made me really think about driving, and general road use. I can also attempt my full licence any time I want now. I'd still like a bit more time driving though, and would love to spend heaps more time behind the wheel- I figure that even though I've had my restricted for over a year, I'd only have been driving for 7 or 8 months. Wish I'd done it sooner. But it's all good. : ) I also don't run yellow lights as much now (because of accountability!)

The downside of doing this course has been the opportunity cost. It has completly thrown my schedule out of whack.
Things I've had to give up to do this course
1. Lab work has suffered a bit- planning to leave at certain times etc. (Possibly a blessing though)
2. blogging has been um, non-existent
3. I honestly had my first computer game blow out in like two weeks yesterday. It was Sooooo good! I'm not promoting gaming as a productive hobby or anything, but I am all for gaming as a valid form of relaxation.
4. The number of people I haven't emailed yet.
5. Guitar still sits in the corner, unlearned and unplayed.
6. There are so many things I've had to do this week, I had an A4 list! (Nearly complete : ) )

Alos doing School of leaders takes its toll I'm currently on 8-9 o clock sleep-ins on Saturdays, and getting up at normal time (ok, a bit later) on Sundays. Currently being held accountable to be in bed by 10:30.

Speaking of school of Leaders, better cruise.

(Oh that felt so good to do this, and check another thing off the list!)

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